Beautifulpeople.net Screws up Royally

It's always entertaining when an email comes to our office that you really didn't expect. Bear in mind, you are going to learn an important lesson here. Actually, so is this individual.

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Hi,

The perception of beauty is ever changing. BeautifulPeople Network reflects this ideal. You can re-apply to BeautifulPeople at anytime. www.beautifulpeople.net

We noticed that your first application to BeautifulPeople Network was unsuccessful. As an administrator of the site, I remember validating your picture before it went through the ratings process and I remember thinking that yours was a picture that probably did not do you justice. That's why I am writing to you, because I feel that you belong to BeautifulPeople Network. I want you to become a member and can help you do it. I want success for you and know that you not being accepted was simply because of the picture you used in your application.

We all know about first impressions and in this case, your 'first impression' is your picture. The better your photo, the more likely you are to be accepted I have helped a number of my friends get accepted by the members of BP simply by following my suggestion.

Go to a professional who knows how to make you look great and will take pictures that will flatter you - you won't believe the difference - why do you think so many actresses and models seem to look beautiful in every picture you see of them - most of the time it's because the picture has been taken by a professional.

LookBetterOnline.com is an easy way to get fantastic pictures of yourself at a very economical rate - you'll be surprised! Re-apply to BP and watch the positive votes roll in with your new picture. Click on this link (link) You will have stunning pictures of yourself for friends, family and to use for all purposes, including attracting other beautiful people to your profile.

I look forward to seeing you become a member and when you do I will be the first person to congratulate you. This works!

Once you have been accepted you will be able to develop your personal and professional acquaintances with some of the most attractive people - both in the United States and abroad.

Best,
Administrator Pedowan

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Now as hopeless and ridiculous as it sounds, pictures apparently seem to speak louder than words in a place where pictures don't really matter. You can fake a picture, of course, and you can fake your words. But it's not like someone goes to a site, plays the Cyrano de Borgnac or whatever the hell that name is, and pastes someone else's words into the chat window. :-) There's a happy medium to fakery, you see.

On a whim, I did indeed apply to this website, but only as an observer. On the offhand chance I WAS accepted, my intention was to spy on the site and find out just what kind of "beautiful" people these folks are, and exactly HOW is it any different than any other singles site on the freakin' planet. Are they degenerates like everyone else? Perverts? Perish the thought, child molesters?

When I received this letter, I didn't quite know how to feel. I suspect it's a marketing ploy to introduce the Look-better site (which I'm not even going to bother showing the URL for, sorry Beautifulpeople.) But in some ways, I felt pretty angry. Here was an idiot apparently trying to say, "Go out! Make yourself lovely! You need to!"

Go to hell.

I sent the following as my response. I believe it shapes up things nicely. :-)

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Let me tell you something.

I've got a wonderful group of friends I can count on to help me when I need it.

I've got a beautiful girlfriend in Singapore who worships me, and I'm absolutely head over heels in love with her.

I've got a wonderful job working as an investment facilitator making seven figures this year.

Now, tell me, Pedowan, what can your vain and vile website possibly offer me? I think I'm going to use this email in a nice little article however. I think it's high time people realize that being a web-god or goddess of beauty means absolutely nothing in the real world. My goal is to see your site shut down for the fraud it is. You chose the wrong person to correspond to.

Don't you love fate?

Paul Kraly
Scribes Unlimited

P.S. One extremely pissed off award-winning writer.

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Can I actually make good on my threat? I think it's very possible. Enough trash-talk spewed around by the right people, and you can pretty much do anything.

Heed the lesson, faithful readers. The way you look makes no difference in your life. If you happen to be a raving beauty, congratulations. You're going to lead a long and fruitful life always knowing your beauty, not your brains, got you where you did. That's a hell of a concept to have to take to the grave. ;-)

Pictures do not do you justice. Your actions and your words will.

Truer words could not be uttered.

Here endeth the lesson today...

...TheScribes...

P.S. After some thought, what the hell, I created a Yahoo Group that you can join to further spew your sentiments. :-)

Real Beautiful People

Stephen Colbert's Saturday Night...

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/04/29.html#a8104

And don't just look at the video, listen to the response.

Not a single hearty burst of laughter; mainly just nervous titters and throat-clearing, wasn't it? The only one who really laughed uproariously was Justice Scalia, and he can afford to laugh. No one from the Thought Police is going to be dragging HIS butt into custody, right? Scalia disallows anyone from recording his voice without permission, do you really think he's stable enough to realize when he's being hammered in the head by Colbert's sharp nails? Probably not.

Yes, our fellow Americans, the truth DOES hurt. It would certainly explain why Colbert was last on the ticket for the correspondent's dinner, and his display is apparently missing from just about every newspaper in the country. No, it seemed much better news to hear about how Bush personally hired a look-alike to pose with him in a lovely photo op, to tell the world, "Look, look! See?? I can still laugh at myself!" This from the same "comedian" who thought it was funny to pull up a table-cloth and say, "Nope, no WMDs here," while across the world another plane loaded with flag-covered caskets took-off from Iraq for Virginia.

Yeah, that was funny. I'm sure the wives or sisters or mothers or brothers thought it was a riot.

What Colbert said wasn't the truth; it was supposedly fake, based on his masterful creativity and his Comedy Central gem "The Colbert Report". But if it was all so fake, why wasn't anyone laughing?

Could it be because the White House shakeup WAS in fact like re-arrangng the deck chairs on the Hindenburg? I personally wouldn't use that metaphor. I preferred his Titanic better, but instead I would have said it was like scraping the barnacles off of the Titanic. I guess I would call Scott McClellan a barnacle, sure. Thankfully his task is almost complete. Now to disappear like Ari Fleischer did until his book comes out. Except Scott CAN'T write and is stupid. Oops. Well, maybe he can launch a new diet.

Was no one laughing because, shock and dismay, he made a stab at the press corp, for failing to cover the news that was important to America, and making sure it stayed out as long as possible? Is he laying down the gauntlet to them now? Are we hopefully going to see a "flip-flop" in news reporting? I noticed a report recently that a LOT of reporters have left Iraq to other assignments. I guess Iraq is getting to that lovely status of "old hat". Or the gov't just simply doesn't want them there anymore because it's about to get worse. Well, Bush WARNED us it would get worse, so if more sons, daughters, fathers and mothers die, we certainly can't blame HIM, can we?

Was no one laughing because the truth was really out there for all of them to see, and they feared it? Make no mistake, when Bush passed Colbert that Saturday night, he got a stiff nod, and a fast exit.

Bush KNEW.

Well, Bush KNEW a lot of things...

...TheScribes...